I can confidently say, we are all.. bric.. oops.. worried about what we’re about to do. Dave has a nasty foot injury, Jason has a dodgy shoulder and I’m just getting over my frozen shoulder, so we’re walking wounded at present. All except Lewis, whose ten years juniority (nice word.. if it exists) mean he’ll be on the start line in good shape.

We went shopping today and got kitted up. Waterproofs, socks, walking sticks, new bike rack.. all that stuff. So we have the kit, just need good weather, injuries to hold up and a bit of luck.

Tomorrow we will be doing a quick run around the shops in New Romney High Street to try and top up the sponsorship pot. So if you see us.. honk your horn.. wave at us.. come and say hello.. but for Pete’s sake come and give us your money!

We’re still hitting the hills to try and build some climbing stamina, so we headed off from Hythe last Sunday and made our way up towards Lympne castle, taking in some off road, then round to Elham and back round to Hythe. About twenty miles in total, but oh….what twenty miles!

Within 2 miles I was off. No, not off like a rocket, not off like a race horse, not off like a firework. Off my bike! Thankfully on grass, and only because I’d forgotten about the new clip-in cycling shoes David and I had invested in. Trust me, not the most stylish way to dismount!

After a few more miles of off-road (our first, and not our last) we headed through Stowting and at a sharp bend Dave decided to snog tarmac. The Lewis and Little Jason roving road block halted yards in front of him and having no time to unclip from his pedals he crashed really painfully into the world’s highest kerb. I was planning to do an A-Z of our training experiences (eg. A = accidents, B = braking hard on every hill) as a diary entry next week in the run-up tot he race, and after hearing David’s language as he sat on the offending kerb gripping his badly grazed and swelling leg, I have the letters C, F, K and S sorted out already. Potty mouth!

After getting gingerly back on his bike David led us around the next twelve miles with no problems, until we did some more off-road coming down from the Shorncliffe barracks into Hythe, when a sudden fork in the path, prompted an instant stop and a spectacular flatliners shunt. David again came off worst, falling over his handlebars onto his shoulder. He was very helpful as he lay groaning on the muddy ground, helping me with letters D, T and W. To be honest, he went down so hard that I didn’t expect him to get up in one piece. He did, and with a body buzzing with adrenaline headed off at pace and got back to the cars five minutes ahead of the rest of us.

Now, I’m not a nervous guy, but I’m really worried about any of us hurting ourselves in the final training sessions. With just ten days to go it would be heartbreaking for one of us to come a cropper and to not be able to do the actual race! To make it worse the boys are out kayaking tonight without me, so I’m hoping we can avoid a drowning! Now that certainly would put us on the back foot for next weekend!

As I mentioned, only ten days to go until the big race, and I think we’re all starting to get VERY nervous indeed!

Watch out next week for a daily update of our training progress. We’ll keep you up to date with everything, as we go.

With us all now back to full health we decided to head out on a catch-up training session on some tough hills, to see if we’d lost any fitness, to chat about details of our trip (5 weeks and counting) and to improve our stamina. We set off from Hythe at about 8.30, climbed up Horn Street and headed across towards the hills. Despite early morning stiffness, rumbling bellies and really low cloud we got to the top of the hills with only minor outbursts of swearing, sweating and gurning. All seemed to be going well. We flew up and over Crete Road Hill, bombed along past the place we met Gumby and on towards Kearsney…..we were flying!

And then Lewis thought he’d see how quickly he could go on the flat. So, I decided to do the same. Competitive? Me?. Hitting 34 mph I was pumping the air and whooping with glee. That is until I saw the road disappearing around a really sharp corner about thirty yards ahead of me, and Lewis sitting calmly in the middle of the road waiting for us to catch up. So, narrowly avoiding Lewis I went into a skid, pushed out my back wheel, held on tight, closed my eyes, prayed to God and somehow managed to make it around the corner. But somehow I’d managed to find Kent’s biggest pothole with my real wheel and 10 minutes later I was riding into Kearsney on my very very wobbly rear rim.

So, much to Lewis’s delight (”I’ve actually really been looking forward to this!”) we had a puncture to fix. Our first puncture…….over 1000 miles of training between us on our bikes and this was our first puncture. Not bad eh? So we sprang into action - Lewis Halfords Jenkins, launching into Operation Blowout with gusto, excitement and a ridiculous amount of kit! Anyway, within 30 minutes we were back on the road and heading back to Folkestone. By bike, with one very wobbly rear wheel had taken on the characteristics of a clown’s bike. I was bouncing up and down trying to keep it going and by rear brake seemed to be on permanently. And of course, my teammates gave me all the support I really needed, “Go on Coco! You can make it!”. Yeah, thanks boys.

Anyway, no more mishaps occurred as we headed down through Newington and down towards Seabrook, so we arrived back in Hythe at about 11am, riding along the promenande in formation, scaring the joggers and feeling a bit deflated! Sorry…couldn’t resist! I’m hoping our next outing will give us the boost of confidence we need. With only 4 weeks to go, I think the race is starting to creep into all of our dreams and we’re realising it’s not the simple task we thought it was going to be. Anything could happen on the day.

That is, right up until our last team outing when Dave took a high speed departure from his bike via his handlebars (and blamed me!). Since then we’ve been plagued with a collection of niggles that have put a complete halt to our team training sessions.

Okay in Dave’s case a very painful, “feels like I’ve broken my shoulder” kind of niggle. At one point he was taking so much co-codamol that he rattled when he walked. Little Jason’s developed a dodgy back and a sore knee, which he’s nursing at the moment. I’ve strained a muscle at the top of my thigh and am walking around like John Wayne in the Alamo. It seems that Lewis is the only one to have survived unscathed so far. Don’t get too cocky Captain!!…there’s still a few weeks to go!

But despite these irritating little setbacks we’re on the road to recovery. Dave is back in the gym, Jason is trying alternative exercises and I’m iced up most evenings. The signs of recovery are there and I’m sure this weekend we’ll be out and about doing some insane amount of mileage on our bikes again. I hope so….and I’m sure the other guys feel exactly the same as me, when I say I miss it!

Five weeks to go this Saturday. But will we be ready? Fingers crossed.

We thought it might be a bit pedestrian and not much of a challenge, but oh no… just how wrong could we be… VERY! Forty-five miles of fun and games.

The boys rolled up at mine at about 8am, woke the neighbours and pumped themselves up before setting off towards Pluckley, armed with hydration packs, energy drinks and energy bars… and a real sense of “this is gonna be a doddle”.

So, through Little Chart, Hothfield and into Westwell - a brief stop for a drink break then onto the climb up the downs onto the Canterbury Road at Challock. Bearly winded and feeling pretty good we set off back toward Eastwell before cutting off towards Wye. For those not behind Captain Slow and his vice-like grip on his brakes, it was rollercoaster time down the hill… clocking up an impressive 38.5mph Dave disappeared into the distance. When we finally caught up with him he was beaming like the adrenalin-fuelled cycling goon he becomes when he faces danger on the hills of Kent.

We ran on through Wye and Waltham up some pretty stiff slopes and for once the Queen of the Mountain (me, based on last week’s performance) was doing alright. Then all of a sudden, halfway up a slope Dave’s commitment to the vegetarian way wavered as he decided to chow down on a bluebottle, which had decided to set up camp in his throat. Retching, he made his way up to the top of the slope to be met by a bevvy of teenage girls out for a Sunday hike, all looking slightly bemused by Dave’s unusual uphill cycling technique.

After another five miles, a swarm of bees deciding to bed down in our helmets and Dave going on a mission to overtake the whole of Mid-Kent Christian Cycling Club we reached the A28 and turned left towards Ashford. I was lagging behind a bit, and whilst checking over his shoulder to see where I was, Dave took a bit of a tumble into the verge. Well… when I saw tumble… I mean… his front wheel hit the verge, the bike stopped dead and Dave turned into Jurgen Klinsman, arcing like a young salmon over his handlebars, flying majestically through the air and landing gracefully on the verge on his back. The bike then noted the style of his dismount and decided to follow him onto the verge. I rolled up a few seconds later quite concerned, only to see Dave lying under his bike, groaning like a birthing heifer with his helmet visor at a jaunty angle across his face.

I realised he was in trouble when he didn’t get up and started looking very pale. Anyway, we lifted his bike off him, he gingerly got to his feet, and clutching his shoulder he staggered along to the nearest layby. We all snapped into our team roles… me and Little Jason asking how he was and Lewis fixing his bike. Like true friends, we decided that banter, teasing and laughter were the best therapy for a suspected dislocated shoulder. Doctors we are not!

Like a trooper, within minutes Dave was back in the saddle and we did another 5 miles very very carefully getting back to my house where we started from. Bruised, battered and slightly downcast we parted… wondering if this was the end of the team… and maybe the end of the venture! Will we be able to recover from this setback? Watch this space!

Oh well… pass me another beer.

So, on my return, it was with complete awe that I learnt that (big) Jason, Lewis and David had not only completed 70 miles, but had done so against a gale force wind. They’d also bought themselves a new piece of kit each. Once again, I found myself falling behind the sterling efforts of the rest of the team. I was given the responsibility to plan the next training session. David reckoned it should be at least 50 miles. The man seems to have gone crazy. It must be all the Lucozade sport.

Sunday July 6th. Hythe Seafront. 8 a.m

Armed with my resplendent new hydration pack (I had no intention of falling behind in the gadget stakes), the rest of the team arrived. A gentle ride along the seafront, then up some fairly major hills. The South Downs are not quite Helvellyn, but try mentioning this to Big Jase, as he was working out whether or not could keep hold of his breakfast - the rest of us offering suitable words of encouragement, as you’d expect. This Kodak moment was followed shortly after with an opportunity for the Flatliners to be snapped alongside a Spitfire at Capel’s Battle of Britain Memorial. A perfectly engineered, finely tuned, expertly honed, aerodynamic flying machine. The plane wasn’t bad either. Then there was the odd fellow (Monty Python’s Eric Gumby ?) who we asked to take a group picture. You come across some really strange things cycling through the Kent countryside and, believe me, they don’t come much stranger than him.

Onwards and upwards, through England’s pleasant lands. Picture-book villages come and go. The miles start to add up. There is harmony amongst the team. Even my dodgy route planning and map reading can’t detract from the fact that the team is progressing nicely, nor can Lewis and David’s clash of bikes that leaves David momentarily tasting the tarmac.

Aside from the cycling, kayaking and hiking, all the team members have been putting in some hard gym time and it’s all starting to pay off. We might just make it at this rate - if David can just quench his insatiable search for the next buzz by speeding down the hills like a teenage thrill seeker (the replacing of alcohol with sugary energy-drinks is beginning to take a hold of him). One of these days, he’s going to come a real cropper…

David, Lewis and me (Big Jason) have just spent 5 hours hauling ourselves around South East Kent and into East Sussex on a so-called 53 mile bike ride. Now, I know my bike computer might be a litle bit wrong, but when I finally fell off my bike it showed I’d done 69.9 miles from start to finish!!

Prior to this the furthest I’d ever ridden was 33 miles around Hastings and Winchelsea. I wouldn’t have minded, but I’d invited people round for 2pm and they were still sitting outside my house at 3pm, when I finally turned up. Ufff!

Anyway, we did the ride to test ourselves and our stamina: and I think without doubt we passed. We all had our sticky patches: Lewis at the Pilot, Dave heading into Ashford from Woodchurch and me getting sand-blasted on the road to Camber. It was a hard day but good, and I think we worked well as a team. Not sure what Lewis had eaten before the race, but he was full of energy and about as pumped up as I’ve ever seen him.

Also, thanks to Barry C from Business Link for the Clif bar and the gel packs… certainly helped me get round!

Roll on September - just 11 weeks to go! And as the Action Medical Research information pack says, “It’s time to get the money rolling in!” So, over to you, dear reader!

We arrived, and I felt at home at once…
I saw the flipchart being set up and I was ready to run a workshop there and then on selling tips. I had an audience, I had the time, but I’d forgotten my pointer, so I had to sit down again. Sadly, their presentation was slightly less interesting, as they were telling us to avoid drowning and how to paddle safely, but I respected a fellow professional and answered all his questions with gusto. “Go Super Steve…it can be lonely out there at the front!”

Whoah! Sorry, rambling a bit there!

Anyway, we got suited up, had on some lovely red helmets (can anyone spot the Cameo Word Up moment?), briefed us on what to do, and then proceeded to bring out the QE2 in beige. I mean, I was expecting to be sitting on something small, plastic and bouyant, but what we were given was luxury…..adjustable seats, adjustable foot rests, drinks holders, dry locker, back supports, casino, tennis court…okay, not really, but it was lovely. Trouble was that it weighed a tonne and Lewis and I had to lug it round to the canal. By the time we got to the water I had one arm longer than the other. Lewis clearly was knackered from lugging the warship and sent me off for drinks and chocolate to re-charge his batteries.

Then we did a very odd warm up….pass the helmet anyone??!! Then we jumped into the vessel and set off….into chaos. Our maiden voyage was happening with a groups of holidaymakers who also wanted to get on the water, and at one point it seemed that there were about fifty of us on the water in a space big enough for two. With some strategic barging with our galleon, including a very funny “finger moment” we found some clear water and headed off like a drunk making his way down the road after happy hour at the Dog and Duck. Sad to say I’m intimate with both banks of the Royal Military Canal. Seems our kayak (Lewis and I) had a bank magnet on it. David and Jason however had a straighter boat and despite thrashing around like toddlers in the bath seemed to get the hang of paddling in no time.

Anyway, thanks to Chris our instructor for taking the time to train us up and to eventually get us heading straight(ish). The time just flew and it was only when I tried to get up on Sunday morning that I realised quite how much work we’d actually done! Roll on when we’ll be set free to test ourselves over 5km…..Twiss Road Bridge and back!!!!

“Ooops, sorry lads…..couldn’t resist. Needed something to get me going this morning!”

Yes, as you can guess - the Flatliners are back in town on the latest stage of training, bringing culture, sophistication and sizable waistlines to rural mid-Kent.. Our second team outing and our first on foot. We’ll be climbing Helvellyn in September so we need a bit of high level hiking experience.

Anyway, as it’s difficult to find any mountains in Kent to practice on, we headed for the North Down Way and I told the lads we’d be doing an 8 mile route from Bearsted to Lenham, doing some climbs, some downhill and some more climbing. So having got a bit fitter since we started in April they didn’t really think it’d be much of a challenge and were in fact a bit dismissive about “going for a stroll in the countryside”. Even blase!! Hahaha! I had the last laugh!

Anyway, armed with a proper map this time (I’m not cheap - honestly!) we headed out of Bearsted Station down the hill and managed to get David past a pub, without too much of a struggle. Within a minute or two we were heading uphill and fell into our rhythm very quickly - me and Lewis striding off (apparently because our legs are “longer”) and Little Jason and David falling in behind - telling stories, cracking funnies and puffing a lot…..”longer legs….my *rse! Less fags and beer!!”

The first six miles went off without too many hitches despite the danger of being run down by hordes of octogenarian cyclists and bizarrely enough a black London cab, until the heat and clothing led to the inevitable chafing issue. So after a brief diversion into Hollingbourne, to stock up on lashings of Old Jamaica Ginger Beer (Was Lewis in the Famous Five?), sausage rolls (okay, if they were having MacDonalds I wasn’t sticking to salad!) and E45 cream (So soothing!), we headed off on a “short-cut”. Forty minutes later, covered in cow poo, mud and cow pee, we emerged back onto the North Downs Way and set off towards Lenham on the final stretch of the day.

At this point we’d covered 10 miles (Thanks to Techno Geek and his GPS reader!), were walking like the surviving members of the Magnificent Seven and the short legged ones were starting to whinge. Seems like a gentle “stroll in the countryside” was a bit much for them. Hehehehe!

Anyway, we finally got to Lenham, having covered about 14 miles, got about a dozen blisters each and had found out some very interesting things about little Jason. Tired, aching, chafed and having had a bit of a reality check about the middle section of the event. Seems that Helvellyn might not be such a doddle after all!

This was the day when three were to become four and the Dream Team was finally together for the first time. I had run out of excuses to avoid the early start and had promised to meet the rest of the Galacticos at Winchelsea train station at 8 a.m. on Sunday morning (yes, 8 a.m.). Being a twenty five mile + drive from Hythe, I was up at half-past-six to prepare.

Helmet, check. ipod, check. Bike computer, check. Water bottle, check. Heart rate monitor, check…etc.

If there’s one thing about all this training stuff, it has allowed us to buy loads of gadgets. Anyway, All prepared and ready to go. Quick release wheel off the bike, bike into boot of car. Sorted.

Must admit to actually feeling pretty good as I sped off towards Rye. First to arrive at Winchelsea train station. 7.45 a.m. Time to sort out stuff ready for the team to arrive.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Front wheel sitting in the hall at home -could picture it nestling there as clear as day. A night off the beer and a 25 mile drive for nothing, I thought. It was a mistake anyone could make and the team were obviously understanding and supportive of my predicament, as you can imagine.

Go back and get your f**king wheel was about the long and short of it. The guys started off on a ten mile ‘warm up’ (!) and I drove back to Hythe, tail betwixt legs.

An hour and a half later and off we rode - four fine physical specimens in perfect harmony. Our strengths and weaknesses dove-tailing into a lean mean Race-The-Sun machine. Well not quite yet. However, the signs are good and we still have three months to go.

A few random thoughts and recollections:

How can I be knackered and pedalling for all I’m worth and still not be able to keep up? They’ve already done 10 miles before I started (allegedly). Maybe I’ve got the wrong tyres or something. Must look for some with super-slick go-faster tread.

How can Lewis pedal so fast up a hill and move so slowly? His bike definitely looks the coolest though…must remove the shopping basket thing from mine.

Jason’s map - why all the pieces and cellotape?

David’s not as dumb as he looks. Those Smart cars are actually quite smart. Would have saved a fortune on petrol if I’d had one today.

Pubs don’t open until lunchtime.

So. In total, 20 miles cycled (rest of the chaps managed 30 odd), 115 miles driven. Not an eco-friendly start to the team training for me. On the positive side, It’s pretty clear that this is going to get us all really quite fit and will be a right laugh too. AND…loads of cash to charity as well. All donations / sponsorship gratefully received - please click the button!